The Bitter  Network Administrator

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Technology 

Microsoft Admits .NET a Practical Joke:
Companies that built a Web site using Microsoft's .Net Framework tools could be in for a surprise if they use Microsoft's bCentral Web hosting service: It won't work. Microsoft contest that the .Net project was nothing more than a practical joke to help take advantage of an ongoing government tax shelter.
The Redmond, Wash.-based company apologizes to any programmer that took this gag seriously and actually used the .NET code.

Programmers around the world today are said to have launched a few practical jokes of their own.

IBM Forgives Microsoft

In a surprise announcement this week, IBM, the original PC makers said that it no longer holds Microsoft responsible for the bad business decisions made by their executives twenty years ago. Microsoft who was contracted to make a graphical operating system for IBM named OS2, in parallel-created Windows giving birth to the rise of PC Clones in the eighties causing IBM to lose nearly all of the PC market shares.  IBM admits that its decision to trust Microsoft was a mistake but they are willing to let bygones be bygones.

In similar news, Microsoft announces that it has sealed a deal to sell its .NET program to IBM. The deal will involve an undisclosed percentage of IBM’s profit in its new Linux based Server program, and half of it’s women folk.

Telemarketers Angry Over Being Compared to Spammers:

The Association of Telemarketers released a statement trying to distance itself from being compared to spam e-mail. The spokesperson for the group stated that telemarketing is as old and respected profession as prostitution and resents any comparison to modern day spammers.  “We provide a needed service that helps employ a populous of this country that can not otherwise obtain employment in the carnival sector.”  We attempted to contact the Association of Spammer for a response, but our e-mail was answered by several advertisements for a larger penis, a camera to spy on your spouse and an online casino.

Computer Chip that Keeps Accurate Time:

Intel announced that it is producing a chip that will help a computer keep accurate time. A spokesperson said that it is still in the development stages, but they are confident we will be successful. Network Administrators around the world are skeptical.

Apple Aims for Lowest Common Denominator: 

Apple Computer Corporation announces that they have lowered the bar once again for computer users and will be coming out with a line of computers that are so simple that even a moron can use them. This of course doesn’t include, fans of the television show Survivor, The Bachelor, Joe Millionaire and approximately one half of those that voted in the 2000 Presidential Election. When asked which half, Apples spokesperson simply replied, “Does it matter?”

Green Megs and Spam
Spam took a slight decline in the month of February, while unsolicited e-mail has taken an all time record high. Asked why the meat like by product is low in a time of almost certain war, the spokesperson looked at me and asked what the hell I was talking about, and then promptly shoved me onto the ground.

Scientist Warn of Wireless Communication
Scientist warns that with more and more wireless communication used in cell phones and data for the Internet, some humans may be at risk of a rare neuron cluster dementia. When ask to elaborate the spokesman told me to go and f*ck myself. Which I thought was rather rude and made me question whether or not he was a scientist at all. When I asked what evidence they have gathered, I was promptly shoved to the ground and repeatedly kicked until he was bored and eventually wandered away.

Confusion over Viruses
Biological Viruses and Computer Viruses are sometimes confusing.


Travel 

Travel Tips
As America comes close to war, and with every country shouting anti-American sentiment, if you decided to travel abroad this year you will die.


Politics

Texas Democracy
The White House today admitted that it has secretly replaced the way Americans view democracy with something called Texas Democracy.  The better new and improved Democracy is just like normal democracy with the slight exception that corporations are allowed to participate in the Electoral College, and it takes one million regular votes from citizens to equal a Mexican Peso.

In other political news, the American people are so desperate for intelligent political debate that CNN has contracted former President Bill Clinton and former Senator Bob Dole to have weekly debates.


Closing Quote:
Every day is a Save Game Situation…




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