Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth...
Asked Questions About My New Network Administrator
(w/ Video at bottom of page) Douglas Chick
Many people that have newly purchased a
Network Administrator either donít understand them or need advice on how to handle
one. Below are frequently asked questions to better help
you work with your new network administrator.
Q: My network administrator seems distant, and doesnít
want to socialize with the other workers.
A: NAs are private beings that interact
Internet chat rooms and e-mail rather then on a more personal level. Just
give your NA some space and he or she might come to you on their own. It may also
be that your NA is lonely or exhausted. If after a year your, NA still doesnít fit
in, try hiring another one.
Q: My network administrator constantly insults the
A: It is never a NA intention to purposely insult a
co-worker. It is just there are many times when your NA is working on several
issues at once, (a thing that we like to call, multi-tasking) and the
section of their brain that is responsible for pleasantries is pre-occupied
with running the network, all the servers, the workstations, website, mail
servers, SQL server, hubs, switches, routers, and the backing up of mission
critical data. And when someone interrupts their train of thought by asking
a stupid question, a NA responds the best way he or she can without actually
strangling you to death.
Q: My network administrator doesnít seem to have a
A: Ah, do not be concerned. If your NA doesnít have a
penis, it is most likely that you have purchased a female model. Do not let this
alarm you! You can treat her exactly the same as if she did have a penis. If however, the
absence of a johnson is just too confusing for you, you may order replacement parts or
an add-on. However, we donít recommend that you do this as it will most likely slow
down, even retard your unit.
Q: My network administrator doesnít want to spend his
or her days off repairing home computers.
A: Network administrators are very selfish with their
free time, days off and vacations. A lot of managers donít understand this and are
often confused by the unwillingness of a NA to repair co-workerís home computers on
the weekends...what was your question again.
Q: My network administrator has access to important
company data and e-mail. Should I be concerned that he or she might use this
data against me or my company at a later date?
A: This is a common concern with many owners of a
network administrator. Understand that a network administrator is a
professional and only handles your data and never looks at it. However, there
have been some isolated cases where some network
administrators have malfunctioned as a result of being replaced with
overseas replacement workers or laid-off due to failing to report correct
corporate earners to the government. And yes it is true that many of these "disgruntled" network administrators helped lead government
investigators to hidden corporate data. But this doesn't mean it can happen
to you. Providing that you haven't been guilty of any of the above
Q: How should I manage my Network Administrator?
A: NA need little managing. The difficulties with
trying to manage a NA is that most managers know nothing about computers,
networks or well anything technical. So to try and manage a person that has
a far more superior brain than your own, would be insane. Our best advice
to you is; let your NA do his or her job without interfering. Your company
will be better for it.
Q: My NA uses words and a language that I find
difficult to understand.
A: NA are trained in a language different than the one
you were taught to use in your communications, liberal arts class, or that
speaks in acronyms and only use the 0 and 1s in numbers. This is why
purchasing a 10K piece of computer equipment doesnít seem that unreasonable. If you are having
troubling understanding your NA, just ask him or her to explain what they
are talking about. NAs are always willing to explain terms. Although, be
prepared to feel stupid.
Q: My NA dresses different than the rest of us?
A: Your NA has a very good understanding of the
importance of corporate appearances. IBM, Ford and Microsoft have all
realized that people work better when they can dress however they want. Your
NA is simply dressing the way that he or she can better perform their duties.
A: My NA wonít address me by my title, and doesnít
seem to respect me?
Q: Sadly you speak the truth; your NA doesnít respect
you. Many managers believe themselves to be on a higher level than a
computer genius. If you canít correctly program your home VCR to stop
flashing 12:00 every time your power goes out than how can you really expect
your NA to respect you?
Q: My NA repeatedly touches himself and it makes the
other staff members uncomfortable?
A: If your NA repeatedly touches his or her genitals in
public it could mean that your NA contracted cyber herpes. If this is the
case it should be treated immediately. It also falls within Plan B of your
company medical benefits.
Q: My NA eats the other workers lunches in the company
A: This is a common complaint and one that you should
address immediately. Network administrators that eat out of the company
refrigerator can contract dysentery and sever stomach ulcers. If this is
happening to you, make sure your NA takes a lunch break either off site or
in his or her office behind a shut door without being disturbed.
Q: My NA is writing a book, reading the news on the
Internet, playing computer games, talking to friends on the phone and
building paper machete statues from the magazines of computer parts
A: Donít worry. If your NA is doing all of this, it
is because he or she is happy and considers the workplace their home. This
is most likely contributed to them spending more time at work than at home.
Many NAs may not even remember they have a real home. If this type of behavior
bothers you than it is recommended that you hire another NA so your current
one can go home.
Q: My NA did something good, but I donít know how to
reward him or her, so I did nothing? A: If your NA is constantly doing good things for you and your company, here
are a few recommended ways to show your appreciation:
∑Show him or her some respect
∑Compliment your NA from time to time to show you care
∑Be a little understanding when your NA works all night, goes
home at 8AM and tries to get a little sleep before coming back at noon.
∑Money: NA always view a raise or bonus as a sign you
Q: My NA did something bad, and I want to punish him.
∑Donít. 30 years of psychological research has shown that
punishing your NA will have sever long-term effects on how and when the
government audits your company.
∑Donít be afraid to apologize if youíre wrong.
∑Donít jump to conclusions because in most cases you donít
know what the hell you are talking about.
∑Donít leave your banking account number or social security
number on your computer.
∑Donít have an inter office affair. Your NA will always know.
And mostly likely, he is sleeping with her too.
Q: I canít believe that my NA is worth what I am
paying him or her?
A: Imagine what your company would be like if all your
computers suddenly stopped working and no one could perform their daily
duties. Ask yourself, how
many people depend on their computers and database to do their jobs? Now, how much more would you be willing to
pay to make all of that happen again? Allot more, uh?
Q: My network administrator makes obscure and
meaningless jokes that no one else understands?
A: Ah, this is a tough one. Donít try to understand
the humor of a NA and donít ask them to explain the joke. You have a better
chance understanding how hydrogen is boiled off a star than you would
understanding the humor of a network administrator. No, a star like the Sun,
not like the movies.
Q: Where do I return my network administrator if he or
she doesnít work out?
A: Remember, you don't own a network administrator.
They perform a necessary function that keeps your company running. If not
for the network administrator you would still be using paper ledgers and