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TOP 20 Things You Shouldn't Say While Working The Help Desk


20. Tell the caller that you went online pretending to be a transvestite: Had cybersex with Eddie Murphy

19. "Still not used to this whole electricity thing, huh?

18. Proclaim your undying love.

17. Advise the customer to lick the power supply.

16. "So, what are you wearing?"

15. Constantly refer to caller as "Stupid Pumpkin."

14. As you look up a part number, whistle loudly in a monotone.

13. "You've got to be kidding."

12. "What you do is get yourself $50 and go and buy a clue.

11. Use baby talk.

10. "I don't get paid enough to deal with jerks like you."

9. Ridicule the inadequacy of the caller's system.

8. "Yo no hablo ingles."

7. Use metaphors based on your experiences with rabid dogs.

6. Laugh maniacally.

5. Twist the callers words to make it seem as if there is no problem.

4. "You're screwed. You're just screwed."

3. Encourage the caller to pound on the CPU casing.

2. Constantly refer to caller as "Stupid Hobbit."

1. "How the hell did you get access to a computer?"

Hacking The IT Cube: The Information Technology Survival Guide -- Douglas Chick