Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth

How to make people think you are a Network Administrator
Bill Bouchard

1) Praise Linux, it's better than sex. It's infallible, flawless and perfect. Even though you say these things you probably have never even used the software or know anything about it, but it's the latest rage among dateless, teenage pimple faces. So it must be good.

2) Anytime a NetAdmin speaks of a problem they are having on there network, ask them what NOS they are using, when they respond with anything but Linux, tell them that's there problem see number one). You know I only have a CNA, CNE and CNI in three different versions of Netware and 8 years of experience using it, I should just switch my entire 22 server network, to Linux overnight. Why don't you have my job? I mean you are the genius here, I've been working on that problem for weeks and you knew the answer off the top of your head. Change my entire Network Linux--brilliant!

3) Bash Microsoft. Like Doug says it's usually a very convenient thing to do and it's socially  acceptable, but is it really that bad? I have worked with both Windows 2000 and NT 4.0 servers and performance wise they are pretty good. Yes there are some security issues (ok lots of them) ok a whole boatload of them, but they are not nearly as bad as people make them seem. As far as OS's go, you really think you can teach an end user Linux? Give me a break. So if you want to sound like a Network Administrator, bash Microsoft.

4) Bash Gateway. Okay, I'm guilty of this myself. Their hardware is terrible. If you buy from Gateway be sure to be the 5 year warranty you'll need it. I work for a Government agency and Gateway is our approved vendor, I have no choice but to buy them. So if you ever come work for me and want to sound like a real NetAdmin, tell me 150 times over and over again I should by Dell, and I'll fire your ass too.

5) Say things like you need Broadcom drives or Firewire is the way to go. You know you can make that pc go faster if you overclock it. Never mind the fact that you have no idea what these phrases mean and what effect they may have on a network, or even if they are completely incompatible with the current platform. You read those things in a trendy computer magazine so they must be great.

6) Subscribe to 800 trade magazines and put them on your coffee table. Even though you won't read them or even know what anything inside of them mean. They're there so people will think you are important. Go ahead leave one in the bathroom too, you'll fool everybody

7) Force stuff down everyone's throat even though they don't need it. When Grandma's mouse breaks and all she needs is a simple $3 replacement one, Tell her she needs a new $60 wireless optical mouse. Just because you know they exist makes, you a NetAdmin. Yeah she really needed that webcam too.

8) My personal favorite is hang around the computer aisle at Circuit City and every time someone looks at something, tell them that it's crap and recommend something else. Even though you have no idea what a wireless hub does, it doesn't matter, you'll look like you know what you're talking about. Hey, everyone loves a know it all and besides those salespeople aren't as helpful as they should be.

9) Write an article for that'll really fool them. Especially when you do nothing but complain about end users and recent college grads.

You may send your comments/hate mail to: 


E-mail your comments to
All rights reserved

Disclaimer: The Opinions shared on are contributed by its readers and does not necessarily express the opinion of the creators of this publication.