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Virus Removal Tool Released Before The Virus
Douglas Chick

What came first the chicken or the egg, the cart or the horse, the virus or the removal tool? We all know that its just a matter of time when some eager anti-virus company employee wanting to get home early so he, or she, (probably he, most definitely he) is going to post a virus removal tool before the actual virus has been released on the Internet.

    All of us have always had our suspicions about the real source of viruses. After all, who benefits the most from a global virus infection, the virus maker? They do only if the virus maker and the anti-virus maker are one in the same. Lets look at the facts, what do most viruses do? If you look at todayís viruses they are designed to annoy not destroy.

1.      Cause your computer to perform slowly.

2. Cause your Internet to slow down.

3.      Sends itself to the names of all your relatives in your contact list, forcing you to have to speak to them and explain that a virus sent them the e-mail.

4.      Popup irritating messages that drive you crazy.

What kind of viruses would real virus makers create?   

1.      A virus that destroys data.

2.      A virus that retrieves spreadsheets and documents.

3.      Viruses that hunt you down and humiliate you before crashing your computer.

Real viruses destroy not annoy. (Thatís what Jesse Jackson would say if he were a network administrator)

Other facts: (I realize that I may not completely comprehend the word fact.)

1.      Anti-virus software company stock goes up with every new virus, just like pharmaceutical companies stock do with every new deadly disease.

2.      Anti-virus software companies hire convicted felons. (I just made that up, this piece needs a little help)

3.      Dick Cheney was the CEO for every Anti-virus software companies in the U.S. before becoming Vice President. (This is also questionable)

4.      Cats freak me out when they lick their wrist and then wipe it across their faces like a washcloth.

So what does all of this point to: Computer people love a good conspiracy and on that day when a virus removal tool is released before the virus, Iím going to go back and take out off the silly bits to this article and try to make it look like I know what Iím talking about. Until then, cheers.

 




The Information Technology Survival Guide -- Douglas Chick
   
 
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