Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth

Can you hide your geekiness long enough to get a job?
By Doug Chick

With enough certifications and computer knowledge you can get a job anywhere. That is if youíre not too geeky. If you have a lot of interviews but never get a call back itís because of your personality. Remember, experience may get you the interview, but if you show up with Spock ears and a Babylon 5 belt buckle, no one will want to work with you. And although, Network Managers and IS Directors are looking for experience they will gladly sacrifice those for someone that can fit into their group.

The stereotype of a computer nerd looks good in the movies but if you want to rant about the evil Microsoft Empire and how Linux will one day rule the world, you may as well put a propeller hat on your head and change your name to Poindexter. Below are some helpful hints that will aid even the geekiest computer nerd in a job interview.

  1. First, find out what the favored operating system is. For example; if itís a Novel shop you better make no less than four references about Bill Gates and Satan, otherwise they are going to think you are a spy and send you out the door. If itís an NT shop only reference Bill Gates and Satan once, donít make a comment about Netware at all because there will  most likely be ex-Netware Admins on board and they'll forget. If it's an all NT shop though, make up something about Linux. It doesnít really matter what, theyíre not going to know what the hell you are saying anyways. If itís an all Linux shop than you are most likely suffering from a hallucination brought on by someone slipping drugs into your food. Most likely your parents tired of waiting for you to move out. And of course, if itís an all Unix shop; go ahead and put the ears back on because youíll be in a basement somewhere and never see a real human being again anyways. Ah, if it were only true.

  2. Before any interview, go to the menís department in the mall and ask someone to pick out an interview outfit for you. Trust the salesman, he or she are trained professionalsóand donít argue! Remember if you were any good at it youíd have a girlfriend.

  3. Donít speak of government corruption, corporate conspiracies, or things that you can do with a bottle of auto lubricant, a tennis ball and a monkey with an incurable case of flatulence. Just trust me on this one, okay.

  4. If it comes up, you like the old Star Trek and Next Generation equally but different. Deep Star 9 and Voyager was okay. And you may admit to watching Zena.

  5. Donít tell them how many computers that you have hooked on a network at home; they already assumed that and they donít care. 

  6. Donít volunteer any information about any certifications that you may have, unless they ask for specific information. Certifications look good on a resume, but if youíre on an interview with an older more seasoned professional, he or she may be turned off by it. 

  7. If they ask where do you expect to be in five years, you may think ďIíll hope to have your job." But never say it, because the interviewing is already thinking that and is really looking for someone that is great with computers but incapable of speaking to anyone above the rank of Klingon. 



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